When I was four, I got a syringe needle in my eye while playing…
Then doctors and nurses made various mistakes, as a result of which, at the age of 9, I completely lost sight in one eye and I needed prosthesis. I was so young, and also because of the way my parents were bringing me up, I did not think or suspect that it would create any problems in my life. I never suffered of any inferiority complex until I grew up and decided to enroll in the Institute of Theatre.

I prepared well and took the first round of exams. They listened to me, then called me and asked me to sit right in front of them, at the table. I sat down. They brought their faces close to me, stared into my eyes and asked: “What is wrong with you?” “Are you squint-eyed?” and similar questions. I became hysterical. They started to calm me down… After all this, I found out that they had decided to keep me around for a little longer and let me pass through the first round. At the second round, the director who would be in charge of the group was present.

In the Institute of Theatre, for the first time in my life, I was made to understand that I was not a full-fledged member of this society. I had a strong sense of revolt – I am in my own country, I want to study here, I want to live and follow my career path here… They asked everyone to recite a story, a poem, a fable, to dance and sing, and I was only asked to recite a fable. I am not the type to link all my failures to my eye. I try to make my life easier by not playing the victim. However, the whole process of examination in the Institute of Theater where I was only allowed to recite a fable and cut me short almost immediately, clearly demonstrated that they did see me as a human with a flaw. They made me repeat the fable four times, interrupting me all the time with “See how we are trying to help you?!” and never letting me finish it. Finally, the director told me: “That’s the best I can do for you.” I was observing the whole situation thinking “Good thing I did not pass and now I’m not in his/her group!” I believed, and still believe that a person with such an attitude would never be able to teach me anything. This realization helped me to overcome the blow.

I did not give up and took the exam the next year too. There was another director to be in charge of the group that year. Before the exams, I approached him/her to explain that I had taken exams the previous year but I was not given a chance to show my abilities. I asked to be told outright if I was not going to be given a chance this year too, to spare me time and effort (both mine and theirs). The director promised me that my eye would not be a problem this time. He/she really did everything he/she could to help me and I am very grateful.

The rounds of examination started. I passed from one round to another. Other applicants seemed very kind to me and everything was almost too good to be true. Finally, examination results were announced. The list of successful applicants was put up on the wall and I saw that I was two points below the minimum passing score. I did not suspect any foul play this time and considered that I had not given my best at the exam. Besides, that director sent me a word to enroll in another department and promised to transfer me to his/her group. I was sure I lacked the knowledge and skills and the failure was my responsibility. It was a yet another loss and it hit me hard.

After a while I learned that seven official complaints had been filed by the other applicants and their parents. Their discontent was aimed at the director, as, they claimed, I had “an irreparable flaw”, unlike them, and it would be unfair to let me pass and leave them behind. The fact that the applicants who had seemed very open-minded and friendly had done this to me, was extremely upsetting. I was so discouraged that I decided to give up any attempts of studying in any university. I did not take any exams for 5-6 years, and only recently enrolled in Tbilisi State University to study fine arts.

By the way, following that incident, my mother filed an application with the Ministry of Education and all the other relevant authorities. They never responded. However, something has still changed. The following year, I happened to be passing by the building of the Institute of Theater on the Rustaveli Avenue. It was the time of exams and I checked the list of requirements for applicants. Try to guess the first requirement on the list. It was: “An applicant must not have an IRREPARABLE physical flaw!”…

(Author: Ida Bakhturidze)

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I hope I will resume work on my PhD thesis about a criminal subculture soon. I guess, my favorite lecturers were disappointed when I announced one day that I was going to take a year off as I needed to spend more time in the gym. They wondered if I was not wasting my talent and abilities.

This stereotype is interesting too – an athlete and a book to be seen as incompatible as night and day. I don’t understand why I have to choose only one… Why cannot you have multiple interests and be good at everything.
I guess, many people don’t get me when I assert that there is a close link between my profession and fitness. The difference is that as a researcher I was only just another observer, but now, in the gym, I am part of the process, putting in practice my theoretical knowledge. The differences between identities are more palpable here and you can feel yourself how the stereotypes are formed and how they are influencing the culture.

I started to take interest in fitness as sports six years ago when I divorced my husband. My initial motivation was simple – to get back in shape after pregnancy and, probably, to escape from everyday stress into another world. Sports demand tremendous amount of work and willpower and I guess I wanted to prove myself that I was up to the task. However, I became so immersed in it that I participated in competitions and even won a few times. Fitness has become part of my life, and the best thing about it is that it has made me stronger, healthier and freer. Here I discovered another stereotype – a woman’s body is considered a tender and vulnerable anatomy and the people found my muscly build unacceptable. Complete strangers have posted mocking and scornful comments to me.

Another stereotype, not entirely unexpected but still disappointing, was that after divorce I was seen as an easily accessible woman who would readily agree to sex.

The influence of stereotypes is blatant all over the gym. There are standards dictated by the culture and we are trying to fit into them. For example, at present it is very fashionable to be skinny and have a flat tummy. The latest trend is a big and lifted butt. These standards are reproduced by the media. Many successful professional women come to me who, despite a busy schedule, spend a lot of time in the gym. I mean, if there is a natural desire to be stronger and healthier, it is great, however, in most cases it is difficult to distinguish what is a natural state and what is an alternative reality dictated by stereotypes and cultural construct. In order to have a large and lifted butt, you need to work out for at least two years 4-5 days a week… When you are obsessed with this idea, it must be stressful for women. It puts me in a difficult position too: on the one hand, I have to advertise a fit and strong body and on the other hand, oppose to objectification of a woman’s body. I balance this out by telling everyone that fitness is a road to becoming stronger, and healthier, with a better hormone balance, i. e. to being happy.

Women often fall victim to unethical marketing of plastic surgery. Beauty industry wraps its products so that women are not informed of the risks inherent to such surgeries. I’m generally not against aesthetic surgery at all, but it should not include defrauding women and putting their health at risk.

I have never hidden the fact that I have had breast implants. It was necessary for the competitions to keep to the proportions. To be honest, I really wanted it too. Yet, I was not clearly explained the risks. By the way, after publicizing of the surgery, everyone seemed to view me as a walking object, fake boobs, and I’m still suffering the repercussions of such hostility.

The most heartbreaking part is that despite my success in my line of activity, as an athlete, fitness instructor and trainer of fitness instructors, in the media I am still referred to as “someone’s ex-wife”, while the interviews with and news about men are mostly focused on their success and professional and social achievements. It is unfortunate that despite my hard work, I am still downgraded to the status of “somebody’s wife”.

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With our mother away all day, dad had to do the household chores. He was quite good at it. I can easily claim that dad’s the best cook out there. It’s not a stereotype, just the experience I’ve had.

After his death, everything turned upside down. I couldn’t make any decision as I had lost the person who had made me feel safe and relaxed. I started watching my friends’ families, wondering what their fathers were like, how they took care of their children, what remarks they made to them and how they did it. I watched closely and listened to every phone call that started with “Hi, dad”.

I observed their relationship with their dads and frequently wondered how different our relationship had been from others. I have to say, the gender balance was different because it is usually a woman who does housework in Georgia. I guess, in some families these roles are a result of the economic situation and in others – a by-product of cultural traditions. Still, I am happy that my experience was so different and I was given a chance to see that dads can be caring and moms – breadwinners. Let me tell you, our family was a quite effective one.

There is another problem I’d like to mention. Nowadays, parents are so much focused on securing their kids financially that they forget about the spiritual bond. Relationship with parents do not go past parental obligations and do not grow into friendship. That’s right, parents don’t know how to be friends with their children, that is why family members suffer from lack of love, the kind of love that is not just based on blood relation.

Probably because the gender roles in my family were not traditional, I still think that relationship between fathers and daughters is special. My father was a friend and a caregiver and today, I miss him the most.”

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