Shortly before the pandemic began – in February, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Fortunately, it was the first stage, the metastases hadn’t spread to other organs, although it was still very difficult physically and emotionally as well. In February, I went with my friend – Irina Kurtanidze to Turkey, where I had the surgery.

The first emotion I had, when I heard about my diagnosis, was fear of losing breasts, which probably every woman who had this issue has experienced. In Turkey, a great doctor performed the surgery. After the surgery, when I opened my eyes, he came and told me, not to be afraid, my breasts were in their place. I’ve never seen such a good-looking doctor. When I was diagnosed and he sent me for an examination to rule out metastases in the brain, I sat in the corridor and I felt so bad that I didn’t even think about my breasts. My friend, who was of course, very nervous and always apologized for having to go through all this because of me, talked to the doctor. He told her that this was a very difficult period, my friend was alone there and now, she could count him as her family. He cared not only about me, but he realized that this was also emotional for people around me and took care of her too. Irinka told me that later and I cried.

During chemotherapy, my daughter took amazing care of me, she was coming and kissing me while I was sleeping. I think that this period has made Niniko a grownup. I tried my best so that she wouldn’t feel the fear of losing her mother; I kept telling her that nothing was wrong with me and I wasn’t in danger, and I know she believed me. My family also helped me a lot, my parents, my sisters. Right now, everything is fine, I have to check in again in November and I’m a little nervous.

The post Natala Chitiashvili, 34 years old, Tbilisi appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.

I met Giorgi in Tbilisi, at a party. He was born and raised in Svaneti, he was a successful athlete and a champion multiple times. I was 19 years old when we got married. I had only seen the Svan tower in the Ethnographic Museum before. I didn’t know where I was going but the truth is I didn’t care. We had a great relationship based on love and mutual respect. So, I was ready to move anywhere with him. However, In the first months, we lived in Tbilisi in a rented flat, so that I could cook after my studies and work.

When I was pregnant on my first child, we went to Mestia for vacation. I had to take a leave in the university due to pregnancy and I also took maternity leave from work. I found out, there was a reorganization in the bank in Mestia and I decided that I had to try my luck – a completely insane idea. In fact, on day one my life was completely changed. On the same day as the interview, I was invited to a two-week internship, I also passed training in Tbilisi and was leading the cashier’s office of one of the bank branches in Mestia. Giorgi helped me a lot and he was proud of me that I worked and studied at the same time. I was a very sociable and fun person. Adhering to the entire dress code and etiquette, I addressed clients with ‘’Mrs. And Mr.’’ I was told once, that nobody addressed them like that before. There were long lines and they wanted to get the service from me. Therefore, my attitude played a huge role and everybody loved me there. Everyone here knew and loved Giorgi, moreover, he was very handsome and people couldn’t imagine who could be with him. I remember even telling him, that soon he would be presented as Elene’s husband. Once, he was in one village and they introduced him exactly like that – you’re the husband of our Eleniko.

This is how I and Svaneti started to get closer.

After Mariam’s birth, I returned to Tbilisi to continue my studies. I also worked in night shifts. At this time, I found out that I was pregnant with my second child. It was very difficult for me, but Giorgi encouraged me a lot and stood by my side. Giorgi shattered stereotypical notions about Svanian men, he was very supportive and told me I could give up everything if I felt I was tired.
When Taso was born, we wanted to baptize her in Svaneti. It was June 24th, we flew from Tbilisi, this was my first flight. I thought I was the happiest person – I overcame the health problems caused by complicated childbirth and now my whole family would be together, resting in Svaneti. I was so calm and felt so good that day, I didn’t even think anything could disturb this feeling of happiness. In the evening, Giorgi went to see his friends. Despite the car crash not being that serious, out of 6 passengers, only Giorgi died. He was 24 years old.

I died with him and then I raised up again. In the beginning, there were months, where I didn’t sleep at all. I had so many emotions, that I felt incredible loneliness and emptiness. I felt his death too and I woke up as another person. A person is always alone with her feelings. Sometimes you can’t express in words, nor does talking with other people help, when literally your soul hurts. I overcame this. On the 24th of June, 8 years have passed and I didn’t live a single day without Giorgi. I still feel like he is with me. This feeling left me in Svaneti.

For my studies, I returned to Tbilisi for 2 years. I left my kids with Giorgi’s parents and came to see them once every month. I put the whole of my energy and pain in my studies and work and it helped me a lot to go through it.
In 2014, after finishing my master’s degree, I returned to Svaneti and I’ve been here since then. Shortly, after my return, I was taken to the Mestia Municipality as the mayor’s assistant. I was very active in youth affairs, which turned out well. Suddenly, I was promoted as Head of Sports and Youth Affairs department. After Giorgi was gone, I lost all my energy and joy and was brought back with the help of my children and the youth of Svaneti.

Nowadays, I’m in almost every project that is being implemented in Svaneti. I’m the coordinator of the local action group in the EU program. Also, with the support of the US Embassy, I’ve been teaching English to socially vulnerable young people and students of Vocational college for 4 years now. At the same time, I’m working on my doctoral thesis – the concept of development of mountainous regions based on the example of Upper Svaneti.

I’m a very active citizen and most importantly – I’m deeply in love with Svaneti.‘’

Author: Maiko Chitaia
Photo: Geda Darchia
Translation: Mariam Kajrishvili

The post Elene Ganaia, 29 years old, Mestia appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.

I was in a coma for 21 days. Having woken up, it took me quite long time to rehabilitate physically and psychologically, so I remained in the hospital for 3 months. Having been first told by the psychologist I’ve lost my arm, it wasn’t hard to accept it. The more time passed, the better I realized it would be very tough doing things with just one arm. However, I thought I could rely on my family as I used to get on with my sister- and mother-in-law as well. We were like sisters. They even come to the hospital to stand by me.

Nobody came the day I was discharged from the hospital, except for my parents. I was surprised but didn’t suspect any trouble. Only then when my parents brought me to my husband’s family in Martkhophi, I figured out everything. I found my mother-in-law gone to Greece and my husband he moved to Tbilisi and was renting a flat there. The house was empty. There was only my bed left. The only person met me at home was my father-in-law, who treated us with obvious hostility. It was then I realized nobody needed me without both arms. I always used to work hard, looking after cattle, house, yard – all these were on me. But as I became disabled, nobody needed me and turned their back on me. Yes, I stayed for a short while there, but as he (father-in-law) showed open hostility to us – didn’t allow to turn electricity and gas on, took TV away – shortly my parents took us to their home in Kvesheti.

My parents live in a two-room apartment together with my brother’s family. Since there was no room for us there, we temporarily live now at Kvesheti boarding school. We live in a room without gas and water supplies. They turned the electricity on after I pleaded for it.

So, I began bringing up my children alone. I was afraid I couldn’t handle things with just one hand, but as I tried once, everything went smoothly. Now I carry water from the schoolyard, do laundry, cooking and cleaning. Sometimes I even forget I don’t have an arm. Noticing someone staring at me, only then I get to remember.

My girls are 12- and 14 years old now. They help me, but it upsets them a lot that their father doesn’t care for them and hasn’t even visited for 12 years. The girls have called him a few times, asked him for dance classes fee, but he refused, to say nothing of their grandmother and aunt, who hasn’t even added the girls on Facebook, removed their requests and blocked them.

Our income is 300 GEL. I have disability pension of 100 GEL and social allowance of 200 GEL. The government presented us with washing machine, but having no running water, how can we use it?

I filed a complaint about alimony, and they’ve charged him (husband) with alimony of 60 GEL for each child. He used to pay for first two months, but after he stopped. Bailiff tells me he does not possess any property, so they can’t force him to pay. So, here we also are at a low ebb.

We, women, have very strong personalities. I wish I could raise my children and the strength I’ll find yet. Having done that much so far, I’m sure I’ll accomplish a lot more.

Author: Maiko Chitaia
Photo credit: Nina Baidauri
Translation: Nina Suramelashvili

26.03.2018 Author’s notice: After publishing the story, with the initiative of Kvesheti Gamgebeli and the school director Marina was allowed to install the water supply.

The post Marina Burduli, 34-year-old, Kvesheti appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.

Mother gave birth to me in Tbilisi and she was sheltered by her cousin. I was actually taken from hospital into that family. Her mother and her brothers did not forgive her for a long time, but her father supported her. She was newly discharged from the hospital when grandpa Ivane arrived in Tbilisi, hugged her and took her back to Telavi together with me.

We did not have a mother-and-daughter relationship in a traditional sense. We were more like friends and still are – when I was young, I learned thigs from her, once I grew up, she claims to be learning stuff from me. She keeps telling me her life would be pointless without me. Do you know what I feel about her? It seems to me she chose to give birth to me without my father, and she did her best for me, as if to prove to others that you can raise a child alone. She did her best and I’ve done my best to do what I wanted and develop into a mature adult.

By the time my father passed away, I had never heard his voice. I ran into him in the city sometimes, I knew he was my father, but he never recognized me, never reached out to me. However, I do not fret over not having a father because I never knew what having a father was like and did not have an emotional bond with him. I guess if he had left us after living with us for a while, I would have had more sad memories of him. When my biological father died, I realized that it was actually good not having father because if I had had one, I would have been devastated by his death. Having only one parent, I had one death less to worry about. My uncle, my father’s brother, loves me very much because I look like my father a lot. I remember the taste of the cake he brought to me in February, on my fifth birthday – it had blue cream and the taste of a strawberry… I did not have any relationship with my father’s children…. Later, when I grew up, I wrote to my half-sister in the social network and we have been friends ever since. Oh, what a coincidence, it is Ia calling me right now!

Our life, my relationship with my mother tought me one important thing – that I should turn presence and absence of people and things in my life into an opportunity. I think if I had not been brought up without a father, I would not be who I am; I would not be where I am; I would not be able to enroll in a university in Tbilisi and I would not have what I have now. When I decided to study in Tbilisi, my mother had no idea how I was going to afford living as a student; she just knew that I was to study in Tbilisi, and not in Telavi. The story of my enrollment is something else: I was taking entrance exams for the department of International Economic Relations in the current Technical University in 1998. I got a top mark (which was 10) in Math, and 9 in English, but they gave me 2 in Georgian. Had they given me 6 in Georgian, I would qualify for scholarship. However, all the limited number of free (scholarship-covered) places available for students were sold out. Of course, I appealed my mark. In the end, they gave me six only on the condition that I was to pay a 600 USD bribe. There were two of us offered such a deal. The parents of the other applicant paid the amount but I could not affort it so I was suggested to enroll in the media department. Ironically, they offered media department even thought hey had supposedly evaluated my knowledge of Georgian at two out of ten. The situation was ridiculous. I turned down the offer so they enrolled me in the energy department and promised to transfer me to the economic department if I completed the first term as a top student. They lied to me. I was a top student for three terms and I demanded the then Rector Ramaz Khurodze to let me change departments. His resolution on my application read “Accept, if needed”. “If needed” actually meant they would meet my demand if I paid money. It was my first battle with the system. In the heat of the moment, I wrote a letter to the then president Shevardnadze. In the letter, I gave an honest recount of how I had been played. In three weeks’s time, a letter arrived from the president’s administration at my address, and a copy was sent to the chancellery of the university. The letter read: “Meet the claiman’t demand”. The letter was redirected to Professor Aleko Tsintsadze who gave me full support. It was him who first dubbed me “nobody’s child” and admired me for going as far as the president in search of justice. Khurodze was furios, but after passing tests in 14 subjects successfully, they had to transfer me and I finally could graduate from the department of my initial choice.

Having worked for 15 years in various banks and having accumulated some knowledge, I decided to start my own business. I wanted agricultural products to be easily accessible to the busy people living in the city, and the foreigners residing in Georgia, so I decided to set up an online sale service soplidan.ge. I partnered with Nino Mghebrishvili and I think the reason our idea worked was that we did not tell about it to anyone until we’d created the website, registered the company and even bought branded wrapping bags. Not even our husbands knew. We were sure that there would be someone who’d try to make us change our mind. Nobody has trust anything that is initiated by women.

We opened up in 2015. Initially, we offered products from only two villages. Then we expanded, added new partners and the number of customers grew. We target the segment that gives priority to quality and wants to save time. They can order products from our website and have them delivered packaged and fresh. My husband and I have equal shares in the business, and 50% is owned by my friends and, currently, my partners. Some people find our products too expensive but they have to consider that we buy them from farmers living in the villages and the price includes home delivery and the guarantee of the product quality.

It is unfortunate that there is no start up business development strategy in Georgia. Large banks claim to support start up businesses, but this is just lip service. A while ago, we wanted to take 10,000 GEL loan as our turnover increases by New Year, but we were rejected by all the banks. There are international practices of large businesses assuming a certain risk and financing startups. Yes, they may incur a certain loss but they also realize that by doing so they are giving a bigger chance to the country’s economy and the labor market. The State has to take care of start up business financing so that more people have development opportunities.”

The post Natia Ninikelashvili, 35, Telavi/Tbilisi appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.

I was married at 22 and lived for 7 years with a man who was completely different from me. My eldest child, Mariam was diagnosed with hydrocephalus caused by birth trauma. They discharged us from the hospital, not telling us there was something wrong with the baby. In fact, during the childbirth, the pediatrician approach me a few times to complain that it took me too long to give birth. Her shift was ending and she was eager to go home. On the day of discharge, the same pediatrician told me: “you are a young clueless girl, so I guess I have to remind you that you are supposed to give 40 laris to me and 20 laris to the nurse.

Mariam was only 2 weeks old when we were first hospitalized. I will never forget the ambulance driver steering the wheel with one hand and, with the other hand stuck out of the window, swearing at other drivers as they refused to let us pass.
Actually, this driver’s efforts proved life saving for Mariam. In the children’s hospital we were met by an amazing staff who did their best to save Mariam, even though I could tell that they did not have much hope. They even hinted at leaving the child, as she was thought to be hopeless. Maybe I was very young and did not realize the gravity of the situation but this is exactly what helped me to stay strong. I never assumed that Mariam would not make it.

Hydrocephalus is a condition when the excessive accumulation of fluid in the brain is not compensated for and it causes unbearable headaches. The fuild creates harmful pressure on the tissues of brain and if a patient is not treated by surgically inserting a shunt system, the patient may have movement disordres and life sustaining functions may be damaged. Mariam had slowing of movements and strabismus in one eye. By the way, one NGO checked on orphanages and found out that the children with this condition were treated with only diuretics. The NGO concluded that the condition of these children was equal to torture murder.

The only treatment for hydrocephalus is a shunt system, which costs around 750 US dollars. I don’t know if anything’s changed by now, but until five years ago, there was no State support so the parents had to pay for it. If you were deprived, you had to get used to the idea that you child would meet the fatal end.

Mariam has undergone 16 surgeries, because the doctors at times messed up and the shunt valves festered in the head or in the stomach. In the meantime, I educated myself quite well in medicine. I know almost all the brain surgeons working in Tbilisi hospitals. I know who is good or mediocre, or who is mediocre but empathetic. For example, I know one brain surgeon who is from the family of doctors, who, on one disastrous night when we rushed Mariam to the shopital with a headache, came to the reception complaining that we woke them up. I have met a doctor who is unable to help but at least tells you who will. I have even met the doctors who will scold you for visiting them and send you back to the doctor who initially treated you. Fortunately, the doctors who are both empathetic and professional are a majority.

I have one ugly memory from the times newly born Mariam was hospitalized, the grandmother of one of the children in the next-door ward would stroll in, look down on Maram, shake her head regretfully and leave. There was one kid, a third child in the family, who was abandoned by the family for having been born with Down syndrome. Only the father visited his child sometimes and brought food, the mother was depressed and never showed up. One nurse took care of the baby, taking his linen and clothes home and washing them. We, mothers of other children, sometimes changed clothes or fed him fro the bottle. All the babies had their mothers by their side, but this tiny creature lay completely alone. On day, the relatives bustled in, brought a priest, borrowed a tub from us, baptized him and left clearly relieved of all the responsibilities. They never returned.

Once, when 6-month old Mariam was being prepared for yet another surgery, I happened to glance into her eyes and the look in her eyes told me she was a fighter. I am sometimes told that I’m a hero, but I don’t agree. If anyone is a hero, it is Mariam, who has been overcoming all the difficulties in her way. It’s just that she was too young to make decisions on her own and we – mostly I and her two grandmothers – helped her in that.

Mariam underwent the last surgery about 3 years ago in Aversi. The surgery was administered by Lasha Bakradze, who I stumbled across accidentally, because none of his colleagues told me that there was such a high level professional in Georgia. Lasha Bakradze corrected all the mistakes made by the doctors for years and every time I hear about someone with problems similar to Mariam’s, I advise them to go to this person.

I can usually find justification for human behavior but there are things that cannot be justified. If I am bearing a burden, you, the biological father, must shoulder this burden too because you are a parent just like me. When we are young, we all make some mistakes and irresponsible decisions but when you have a family, you must make a clear choice. Our family problems started with drugs and ended with alcoholism. Every time he drank, he became aggressive. There were 3-4 month periods when he did not drink and the life went back to regular: he took kids for a walk, took care of them, bathed them, but after three months he would do something outrageous again. I would take my kids and run away to my mother’s place, then we would make up but our peaceful life lasted for only a few months, followed by fight, rows, and beating again. Mariam’s condition worsened from time to time and it was difficult to cope with two problems at a time. The only positive outcome of our marriage is my children. When I gave birth to Tata, I was eager to find out what it was like to raise a child without any health problems. I am not going to live forever, but Mariam needs someone to rely on. If I did not have a brother, I would struggle in life. I believe a child must not be growing up alone and must have a sibling.

One day I woke up and realized that I had had enough. I packed my stuff, took my children and left. He was surprised when I did not go back. He asked if I’d stopped loving him overnight. These things don’t happen in the blink of an eye. I am very patient, but the last drop makes the cup run over. Then followed threats, uninvited calls, but this time I knew for sure that I was to continue my life alone and I was to be both the mother and the father for my children.

I forbade myself to cry because even your children don’t want you unhappy, complaining and messy, let alone anyone else. You must be a role model for you children. During those 7 years, I lost too much time both in terms of professional and personal development. It took me quite long to beat depression and love myself for who I am; to realize that I am not worse than others, to restore my self-confidence and return the face of a human. Sometimes you want to depend on someone and say that you’re tired but you should not burden others with your problems. You should smile often and never whine.

The most important thing for me is to let my children know that I am their supporter and their friend. I am happy that they have the right values. They know that it is wrong to laugh at others, that it is wrong to beat someone for a different orientation and they must stand up for those who need protection; that we are all but human. I may wish a certain future for them, but when they grow up, they must decide who to love, who to live with, what profession to pick. And I must respect their choice.”

The post Nene Dalakishvili, 40, Tbilisi appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.

In a few years’ time, I went to the House of Justice together with my son’s father to fill in that field. We handed the operator the papers and explained the situation. After a few minutes of silence, the operator read the renewed document aloud to us: the child’s first name, and the father’s last name, instead of mine. I was confused, as I did not understand why the last name was changed. Then I pulled myself together and smiled: “No, we are not changing the last name”.

I guess, because we were there to add the father’s name to the certificate, the operator decided, we wanted to change the last name too. In this case, “fatherhood” was the framework that entailed other things as well, such as “the last name”, and the expectation that I was there to “legitimize” the existence of my child.

Why do we assume unconditionally that the last name has to be the father’s name? Why don’t we, women, demand equality when it comes to the last name of our children? The last name is the stamp to mark the man’s possession. Even though it is a woman who raises, feeds her children, changes diapers and stays up all night for them, the children are still seen as the man’s belongings. Both in a literal and metaphorical sense.

However, I don’t think these “small things” are too trivial to focus on. These little symbols build the framework used to decide whether some children are desired or not, whether some are legitimate and some – illegitimate. The last name is a political issue and taking the mother’s last name may be part of fighting against this framework.”

The post Etuna Noghaideli, 31, Tbilisi appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.

In my opinion, fostering women’s studies and feminism is an important political strategy of achieving equal rights when you are living in a patriarchal society. In such a society, religious and other institutions, the culture, and most of the public, repeatedly reminds women about their inferiority. This is a massive systemic problem – non-recognition of the abuse that some families or even women do not or cannot admit and believe that “it is how it should be”. Some women do realize that they are being abused but they prefer to adapt to the “system” and the environment. According to my observation, though, feminist mothers choose a different way: we fight with these stereotypes, we do not instill “gender roles” in our children from birth, we try to rationalize and explain to them using simple examples that the gender does not give anyone any privilege to bully another person, define somebody’s status or think about girls “stereotypically”. I personally prefer the positive discipline in upbringing – the one based on education. I have never used corporal punishment; I try to get my son used to critical reasoning, the need to ask questions, and I see him as equal. I try to serve as a role model in destroying stereotypes.

Even though I am a feminist, there are some issues in feminism that are not given necessary attention (at least in the subculture around me). On the contrary, I have frequently met disdain and disapproval from my own circle of society. We often discuss global feminism, queer issues, and strategies of fighting the patriarchal environment, various theories and practices locally and globally. In addition to my personal outlook, this is part of my job as well, as I am a gender studies expert. Having said that, few feminists who are not mothers have inquired about my experience, what challenges and experience I have as a mother. I cannot say that the “family” is only “the product of the patriarchy”, because I’ve come across feminist families of various sorts. I have a sort of a feminist family myself. Criticism from fellow women who have not been through your experience sounds like a “stigma”. Yes, we are mothers, the women and the girls who try to instill in the future generation from an early childhood the values that will foster abuse-free environment.

One way or another, I am a feminist single parent and a mother. I got married at 19. I was in love. This is the time you think yourself an adult. Then everyone expects that the culture “has raised you well enough to serve the man in the family”, to live only by following his dreams and wishes. However, when I matured, even though I had a husband and a child, I started questioning many family issues. As soon as I began asking questions, rationalizing and saying “NO”, I immediately faced consequences. I realized that in the environment I was going to raise my child, a woman did not have “the right” to her own opinion. Quite the reverse, arguments and quarrels took place right in front of my child, under constant stress and monitoring. After three years, I left my family feeling that “they could not tame me”.

I am blessed because I had full support and protection from my parents. They help me with raising my child so that I can continue developing and working as a professional. Unfortunately, I am still financially dependent on them and I am working and studying very hard to get employed. My child’s father is actively involved in bringing him up. I think that the father must share equal responsibility of taking care of the child, whether a single parent or not. He is successful in his career however I don’t think he has got rid of the cultural clichés in dealing with women. Despite the fact that we haven’t been together for five years, he sometimes resorts to the psychological abuse when we fail to agree on something, sometimes even in front of our child. So, girls, it is very easy to enjoy the privilege of not having the responsibility to raise a child for the society free of psychological traumas, homophobia, misogyny, sexism and abuse, which is so abundant in our society; it is too simple to say “a family is absurd”, “I’d rather have a cat”, “I’m never going to have a child”, because this is a huge responsibility in this environment and some of us happen to have a child.

Therefore, I have to face social, economic, cultural, psychological and other issues, as a mother. So that “being privileged with a child” is yet another issue.

Every day, I am forced to send my child to the environment full of stereotypes and then take him home and remove those stereotypes. I try not to fall behind current events and be active in the cause of protecting women and minorities. Unfortunately, I cannot always afford participating in expensive gender conferences or trainings held locally or abroad. Also, I cannot take my child everywhere, and sometimes I cannot leave him and therefore my right to be involved in political and social developments is restricted because of my gender. For the most part, the environment is not adapted to allow people to take children with them.

When discussing women and feminist experiences, we do not talk about the role and needs of feminist mothers. We never talk about the difficulties that queer feminist mothers with the status of a single parent face. My son knows that “love does not have gender, orientation and gender identity” for me, what matters are the values. Kindergartens and schools are gender insensitive even today. Therefore, need for awareness and education is extremely important in the family environment. I always try to give exhaustive answers to my son’s questions.

Yes, my son is informed that there are different kinds of families: the ones with a mother and a child, the ones with a grandmother and a child, the ones with only a father, the families who have no children or do not wish to have, and many others. What matter is love and care! He knows the reason I cannot stay with him all the time: I need to receive education, to have my own space and I’m working hard for him and me to live together. I want to be financially independent, so that he does not have to spend most of his time with his financially secured father and I am not just a “guest” there. He knows about all the colors of love. He sees that I change my look quite often: my hair is short, frequently dyed in different colors. He knows that he must not abuse girls, and that boys can cry too. We often discuss that there are people with various interests, love, and look. We also discuss animals, women’s rights and why I am a vegetarian. He is worried about environmental pollution; we draw, read, knit, and bake together. He is friends with a girl in the kindergarten, who he loves because, and I quote, “she is strong and smart”. It is becoming his second nature. This is how I try to raise my child.

It is difficult to find specific answers, but I think that feminism has to focus on motherhood as well. I think it is important to include this experience in theories and practices, and it is intersectional too. Certainly, it does not mean that childcare is only a woman’s responsibility and gender roles do not need to be fought. On the contrary, I am speaking from my experience. Even if a mother or a foster mother does not identify herself as a feminist, raising a kid is in a way policymaking. That is why, self-criticism is important so that we can think about the role of feminist mothers, and be more supportive of them, because we are all contributing to the social change. Even when I think I am not doing anything valuable, I look at my son and hope that I am raising him to be a good person, which is not an easy task in the given environment.

I believe that after some years, the time will come when he is proud of me, proud to be my son and will continue fighting for social change like his mother.

A dialogue in the kindergarten:
– Is your mom a boy and has a colored hair? – A group mate asks my son.
– Nope, my mom likes short hair, besides its blue and pretty, – is the answer.”

The post Tako, 26, Tbilisi appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.

In 2003, when the National Movement came into power, I was left without work like many of my co-workers. Without meeting us, without saying even hello, they laid us off by putting up the verdict in the form of a list of fired employees on Sunday morning. I had no other option but to take part in the competition as a complete outsider. I did not have any privileges as a former employee. I passed the test with top mark and I was welcomed back, which improved my self-esteem very much. They turned me into a successful and outstanding employee who was prepared to work late hours, plan new and innovative projects. The country slowly adopted the state-financed insurance service. I think I largely contributed to unification of the whole system.

My whole life was organized around my work, the morning started with the feeling that the country needs me. My obligation as that of a citizen outweighed every other responsibility. I felt even more obligated when we started oncoprevention program and I was appointed its coordinator.

It is not that easy for a woman to balance her private life and a successful but hectic working career. You may easily have to work at the weekend or work overtime. I remember once going home at 9:30 in the morning as the job needed to be done.

Because of various reasons, my private relationships did not lead to marriage. Once I had a stable income, I decided to have a baby. The years went by and my chances of marriage were reducing. They started paying bigger salaries in public sector so I decided that I would be able to raise one child somehow.
When I was pregnant, political fluctuations started all over again. I was not worried, because I was well known in my field, I could be called successful and I was free of any political ties.

When they appointed our new boss, my child was 1 year old. Of course, I had to accept the new reorganization with ostensible calmness. I was made to sign a paper and agree to be demoted by one level. Those who refused to give a written consent, were dismissed from work. I did not really have an option. I gave my consent and signature. Following that day, I was totally ignored as a co-worker. When they set the date for the test, I prepared diligently, I pulled all nighters and got quite high points. Many of others, including newly appointed employees failed the test. When I went to my boss’s office for some business, I was told “do you think you are safe because you passed the test?” I realized it was a provocation and did not start an argument.

I was under so much psychological pressure, that seeing other workers engaged in work and myself ignored, I had tears in my eyes.
Then they held an interview. At the interview, they asked me what motivated me, why I needed my work. I told them that firstly, I loved what I did, and secondly, I was a single mom and the salary was my only income.

When they showed me my interview results at the attestation commission, I found out that my answer to this question had been graded low. I was shocked at the lack of empathy they had given to me as a single mother and the disregard to my 21-year experience.
On that very day, I received sms on my phone about my dismissal. I was bottle-feeding my baby with yogurt before sleep…

After that, I had many unemployed months ahead; then I started to work in a call-center of an insurance company, which meant re-starting my career from scratch for a rather low salary. But there was nothing I could do. I desperately needed income to raise my child. At the same time, I sent my resume to various places, participated in a competition of two municipal governments, cooperated with the social service of the Patriarchate, and wrote healthcare projects that were ordered by private clients. Then I was interviewed for the position of a clinic manager of one of the hospitals and was accepted. It was another victory both for my child and myself.

I would like to address single mothers: do not wait for others to help you, do not rely on the government who has not even been able to count how many single moms there are in the country. There was a buzz that they were going to introduce some assistance for single mothers but they have not done anything yet. Do not be afraid of difficulties, including the fact that you could not place your kid in the nearest kindergarten… You will struggle, you will have to forego many things, but your heart will be filled with pride and love. You will feel what I feel when I look at my baby and celebrate my personal victory. Find strength in yourselves first, make firm steps, break down the walls, overcome every barrier, destroy the stereotypes, and confront everyone. Your child is not going to be a child of a single mom, because you will give him or her a success story, share love and receive it back through the words you will hear every time before sleep: “mom, I love you”, “I love you too, my sweetie”, “nope, I love you more”.

The post Keti Kajrishvili, 48, Tbilisi appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.

I had cows, who gave a lot of milk. I tried to sell the milk to a nearby store and increase my family income. The owner of the store used to help me. He let me buy products on debt and pay whenever I had money. I remember, Ana was too young to take her to the kindergarten and I did not have anyone to leave the kid with because I had to milk the cow in the morning and take it out to pasture. So I would put the baby in the basket for laundry and take her to the cattle-shed. Then with the basket on my shoulders I would take the cow 3 kilometers away so that she could not get to Kobuleti, for which I would be fined.

When the seniors died, I realized that I was absolutely alone in life. Was I not alone when they were alive?! Yes, I was, but I was so busy doing things from morning till night that I did not have any time to think about that. I do not have time to be afraid now, because I think that the only thing I can do for my children is to give them a good education. They need education not to suffer like me.

When children grew up, their pension increased and we received 100 GEL. But Mariam stopped receiving the pension as soon as she came of age. She is now a student, she is studying in Tbilisi and our family expenses have grown – tuition fees, the rent, pocket money… Sometimes I think that some unseen forces help me and when I fall into extreme despair I see some light at the end of the tunnel.

For the past several years I have worked as a cleaner at the Wissol gasoline station, which is located near my house. I have a flexible schedule and it is rather comfortable because I go there whenever needed. I get 300 GEL. For the rest of the time I can do household chores. I am good at baking and accept orders for Adjarian Baklava. I had an old stove and could not make good cakes. But I have recently taken part in the EU project announced by the association Living Old Age with Dignity. I attended a 2-day training course in writing a business plan and got 1000 GEL funding to buy a modern stove and other technical equipment. I accept orders for Baklava almost every week and this helps me a lot financially. I wish I could have had this opportunity before or had gotten some help from the state to launch my own business.

I am as happy as my kid when summer comes. She likes summer because she will have more fun. As for me, I am happy because I will be able to rent rooms to holiday-makers and thus receive more income. I do not have good conditions, so I rent one bad for 10-15 GEL and I save the cash to pay the rent for Mariam’s apartment in Tbilisi. Whenever I need, I take out a quick loan, or pawn golden items to avoid crisis during the year. There is nobody around to help me to deal with the problems.

It is not true when they say about women that they are weak. No man would have been able to endure so much work and psychological pressure.“

The post Maia Kartsivadze, 40, Kobuleti (our respondent, Ana Kenchadze’s mother) appeared first on WomenOfGeorgia.