I’m the only woman in Georgia who is openly HIV positive. I have been living for 12 years with this diagnosis. I have three completely healthy children and I’m expecting my fourth child now. I’ve always dreamed to have many children and I’m happy that my dream came true.

In December 2008, in my fourth year in a penitentiary institution, I found out I was infected with the HIV virus.

Earlier, in 2001, when I was pregnant with my first child, I did a mandatory HIV test for pregnant and the answer was negative. After the arrest, I was tested every year not only for HIV, but also for hepatitis B and C, and each time I received a negative response. Only a test done in November 2008 confirmed positive. I can think of only two risky cases during this time in prison: one when I had appendicitis surgery and was taken to ‘’Aramiants’’ hospital, and second, when I needed dental surgery and they took me to the prison hospital. I think that’s where I got infected. Before I was brought in, there was another, the male patient sitting at the dental chair – he was pulled out as soon as I entered because a woman and a man aren’t allowed to be in the same space in prison. Perhaps the dentist made a mistake there and mixed up tools. I found out about my diagnosis 1 year after this.
I was 25 years old back then.

‘’If you start treatment now and take good care of yourself, you’ll live for 10 more years’’. ,, Forget about having children, they’ll be born infected like you are’’. ‘’They’ll only live for 3 years.’’ Doctors had me live with these myths in prison. All these days I couldn’t think about anything but ‘’the remaining 10 years’’. The past I lived, and the future awaiting me, went flashing before my eyes. Since they convinced me that I would never be able to have a child, I thought I would adopt one. But with my past that would be impossible and I stopped to even dream about it. I was afraid of going to sleep – I wanted to stay awake as long as possible. I was also afraid of the next day to come, thinking it would probably be the last. So I stood in front of the barred window and watched the beginning of a new day. I wanted to see it over and over again. I was prescribed psychotropic drugs so that I wouldn’t be overwhelmed, But I felt that these drugs made me more addicted. So, I decided that I had to be stronger and learned how to fight against it. It took me 3 months.

I decided to talk about my diagnosis with women I had contact with. I could have kept my confidentiality, but I didn’t want to put their health at risk. I told them, that I wouldn’t be upset if they avoided me. In exactly half an hour, the whole prison knew about my disease. Mostly I felt a negative attitude the administration. This is also caused by stigma. People still think that AIDS diagnosis means you’ve done something perverted. I was told several times, mockingly, that I could have gone to a pharmacy and protected myself. In fact, I was infected in their own penitentiary institution due to their own employees’ negligence, from whom no one could be protected. However, there were also employees who took my condition to heart and encouraged me. I was almost a child when I got there.
I was arrested at the age of 21.

I don’t know what to say. Perhaps, it was a fair punishment to me for taking someone’s life that was gifted by the lord. I, as a human being, didn’t have the right to do so. On the other hand, if not that ‘’skewer iron’’ nearby, as it was mentioned in the judgment, I wouldn’t be alive today. I protected myself from the person who regularly abused me. Ten concussions, spinal cord injuries, bruises – these are just a few injuries I suffered as a result of his violence. I couldn’t protect myself from violence, because there wasn’t any judicial mechanism at the time against that kind of abuse and I took all of this with patience just to stay alive.

I was convicted of premeditated murder. I killed my own husband. I was sentenced to 6 years. They added a year and a half for finding a cell phone. Another year and a half for participation in the so-called ‘’prison riot’’ in 2009.

The support of my family – my parents and brothers made me stronger in prison. The hardest part was that I couldn’t see my child at all. It’s very difficult to see your child from behind the glass. My grandparents were still alive back then. Grandpa was transferring half of his pension to me. None of them were alive when I came out.

It was very difficult to share my diagnosis with my family. They were very uninformed and they also believed in myths as they were convinced that only drug users and sex workers could be diagnosed with this. I knew it would be hard for them to understand. One day, I asked prison administration for brochures about AIDS and I asked my father during the appointment to read it on the way back home.

I called him in the evening. He read it but still couldn’t understand what it was supposed to mean. I told him directly that I was HIV-infected. He froze and couldn’t speak. My mother had an even stronger reaction. She cried during our appointment like it was my funeral. At such times, each person’s reaction is devastating. Finally, they came to terms with my diagnosis and realized that it didn’t mean death.

They released me from prison on November 10th, 2012. I came out with a double stigma—I was convicted and HIV-infected. I started treatment the next day. According to the previous protocol, only patients with immunity below 250 would be treated. So, nobody recommended treatment for me in prison. According to the current procedure, everyone diagnosed with this disease will be treated, to turning the infection into its more complicated form – into AIDS. At the beginning of the treatment, I had information about side effects, but that couldn’t stop me. I wanted to live, and I wanted to give life to others. After long-term treatment, my virus became suppressed and my immune system increased. After that I became a mother of 2 healthy children. Now I’m waiting for the fourth.

Every last week of May is a Remembrance Day for people who died of AIDS. We remember this day with the Association ‘’Pomegranate’’. Symbolically, the pomegranate implies a drop of blood. We want people to understand that we, the HIV-infected, shouldn’t be avoided. Our diagnosis is not a death sentence, and we are not a threat to others. Nowadays it’s treatable and living with it is as possible as with any other diseases.

‘’leave no one without medical services’’ – this slogan is the main call to action of our campaign. Existing stigma is the reason for HIV-infected people to be denied medical care. Even doctors are not fully aware of this infection. Even though HIV treatment is funded by government programs, there are only four AIDS centers in the whole country, which is obviously not enough. They do not respect the confidentiality of patients. While standing in line to receive medicine there’s a high risk of running into acquaintances and information about the diagnosis spreads quickly. The problem is acute especially in regions and many people stopped receiving treatment because of this Also, the problem is that such centers are all located in Tbilisi or in eastern Georgia and patients have to travel long distances from their hometowns. Therefore, it’s essential that municipal outpatient clinics have opportunities for tests and treatments. Patients should have a choice – whether to go to a polyclinic or to an infectious disease facility. Nowadays that isn’t possible. The AIDS Center of Tbilisi is in a terrible condition. This center is located at the base of Aversi Clinic, and nobody is paying attention to it. There are such unsanitary conditions, that inpatient treatment is unbearable for patients.

The message of our campaign is for the government to pay attention to HIV-infected people: provide them with decent medical services and make these services available at the municipal level.

My new family knows everything about my diagnosis. Even though my children are little by now, they are involved in the treatment process. They have a lot of information about HIV-infection; they know how to delay it and that treatment is needed. They even help me not to forget to take medicine, so I can be with them for many more years’’

Author: Maiko Chitaia
Photo: Geda Darchia
Translation: Mariam Kajrishvili

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”I was 33 years old when my husband and I got married. This is the age for a woman when everybody asks why you’re still not married. The most annoying question I remember was when they asked if I had any problems and that was why I wasn’t married. And they didn’t even wait for my answer – they just started spouting advice about how starting a family is a must. I remember it was so disturbing that I stopped attending any family events. I felt such a big pressure on me that I would never ask anyone such a question. Still, marriage brings with it so many issues that you have to be absolutely sure before making this decision. It is a big change and if you don’t choose the right person, life can quickly become hell. Therefore, I think that even if the pressure is sometimes too high, when not sure it’s the right decision, women shouldn’t make it.

My husband and I were expecting a baby for 7 years. If we hadn’t had a desire to be together and a common goal, we wouldn’t make it as a couple, let alone as parents. In addition to the reproductive problems we had, the most difficult part was the pressure from society. Even though I fought all the time to isolate myself from people and hadn’t let them invade our privacy, people could still put us under stress and ask endless questions about why we didn’t have a child, whose fault was it, etc., which made our life even more difficult. Such pressure causes psychological problems; it makes you think that since you don’t have a child, you’re not even alive. I know it’s wrong, but back then it was a very emotional issue for me. Persistent questions and stares on the belly all the time… I think it was the most difficult period in my life.

I don’t know exactly what my husband has been told about it. Perhaps some told him that he should divorce me. It’s a known stereotype that a man should leave a woman who doesn’t bear a child in 2-3 years. As if a woman is only good for giving birth to children. If I ever saw my husband hesitate at some point, I would definitely end our relationship. But he endured everything with honor.

Even though I was having very serious psychological problems, I would blame myself and felt guilty for my husband and his family. The feeling of guilt was so big, that after 4-5 years I suggested to my husband that maybe we would divorce so that he could have children with another woman, or find another way to have children. Seeing how much he wanted to become a father only added to the enormous responsibility and stress. So sometimes I really wanted to live without that feeling. Another person towards whom I felt guilty and feared not to see her real emotions was my mother-in-law, because I knew I couldn’t handle it. But this woman, in contrast to other people, was very dignified and in all these years, she never made me feel bad about it, which was a great motivation for me.

In short, I had a long and hard road ahead before my pregnancy. My husband and his family stood by my side all the time. Also, large financial resources were needed for the treatment and it consumed all of my income. I counted that I paid over 60 000 GEL for it. This is a very expensive treatment, which is not fully financed by the government and neither does private insurance cover anything related to reproductive health.

One day I took the pregnancy test and it was positive. After that, my life regained meaning and even those seven years of living in black and white turned colorful in one day. Later we found another miracle – we were expecting twins. After the pregnancy, there was another round of pressure and questions began – was it artificial insemination or not, would the children turn out different, and so on. A woman has to protect her children at every stage – even before birth because people don’t know where to draw the line between there and other people’s private lives.

I thought about my children’s sense of freedom from the very beginning. For example, I saw with my own eyes how two different people appeared from my body. One of them was a boy and the other – a girl. I’m aware that it’s my duty to ensure they become free and healthy people and get an education. The rest is their decision – whether they’ll dress ”like a girl” or ”like a boy”. The girl can choose between loving pink and lipstick and preferring to play football. I myself was never the one who played ”girly games” and if my parent prohibited doing such things, I would never become the free and strong person I am now, and I wouldn’t be myself. Then, in the 90s, I got involved in politics, which wasn’t women’s job either. I was in Zhvania’s team, meaning in opposition of incumbent Shevardnadze; and people were scared. So we always held our meetings late at night. I was 23-24 years old back then; my aunt cried a lot, saying I could never get married since I sat in many different cars late at night. If not for the trust and support of my family, I wouldn’t come this far. Then my husband took on supporting me, so I didn’t need to change my lifestyle after getting married – sometimes I was on training, sometimes on meetings. My husband would often joke that he had no idea he was marrying a tourist. My children also see a different reality at home. For example, I’m not the traditional woman or wife as known by society, and I’m not greeting my guests with an apron. My husband and I divide the chores between us and have been raising our children together from the time they were babies. Since we had twins we had to wake up together – one took care of one baby and another of the other. This happened without any agreement. I’ve left my children for a whole week with my brother and my husband. I feel comfortable with it and I’m not worried since I’m sure they’ll take good care of them. Also, I know that it is the right thing to do since I always wanted both children and a career. Of course, I may sometimes have to cook seven different dishes for my family, but it’s not my formal obligation and I don’t want it to become one. I’ve ironed my husband’s pants when he was in a hurry and he did the same for me… It’s nonsense to have separated duties – ”woman’s work” and ”man’s work”. If a man makes Khashlama and Chakafuli (Georgian traditional dishes) for the whole village, why should it be a shame to make Borshi for their own children? I don’t understand.

I want my girl to be very strong and to know exactly what she wants. There’s much psychological pressure on little girls and sometimes we cause their personalities to die in childhood. I also have to fight against stereotypes in my own head, because they’re so strongly engraved in us that we may not even realize it. Motherhood is a whole other dimension and we’re always trying to create greenhouse conditions for our children. To be honest, I often think if I’d like a wife like me for my child, and, as a mother, I start thinking differently – I don’t want him to wash dishes or do household chores, but when I do, I stop myself right away because it’s not right. Parents shouldn’t forget that we went through the same road that our kids are now walking.”

Author: Ida Bakhturidze
Photo: Salome Tsopurashvili
Translation: Mariam Kajrishvili

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In 2011, I was diagnosed with stage 3, malignant invasive breast cancer. I was 27 back then. Due to my acting career, I had a period of intensive filming, which I had to get a tan for, so I visited solarium a couple of times. Following one of the visits, as I came back home and took off the dress, I’ve noticed a nut-size lump on a breast. Naturally, I went to the physician shortly after and yet it took me three months to take a biopsy, and later surgery, due to my stressful schedule. I could feel an utterly foreign organism living within my body affecting my everyday mood during these months.

At first, no one considered it a malignant tumour. However, biopsy results turned out to be alarming for my doctor, who advised immediate surgery the very next day. While having a positive attitude receiving calmly the news about the operation in the doctor’s office, the worried expression on the doctor’s face made an extremely disruptive effect on me and on leaving the office I felt sick. The young nurse brought me some water to drink and comforted me saying it was not going to be a difficult surgery. They were only going to remove lumps.

The surgery lasted for 40 minutes. The doctors decided on breast mastectomy on the spot. Luckily, I’m a kind of person who can very quickly get ahold of herself in difficult situations and gather strength. Having woken up from anaesthesia, I saw the group of doctors surrounding me. They all were trying to encourage me. Realizing the breast mastectomy was essential, the only thing I thought was that I must find more strength to defeat the disease.

My attitude

In the hospital, I remained in a positive mood. I met a lot of patients there who has the same diagnosis as mine. Many of them were in despair, some were afraid. Talking to them and encouraging made me also stronger. Making somebody else stronger helped me to gather strength too. I wanted them to feel what I felt.

Why I had this positive attitude? First of all, because I was hopeful and more importantly, I believed that I could defeat the disease. My daughter/son, family and friends – people who needed me, were the source of my optimism and I felt I had to fight to not dash their hopes.

Naturally, as a living person, I can’t always control my emotions, but in those days I was concentrated on rational thinking and tried to focus on things that were more important – on my otherworldly feelings expressed in communion with outside world. Not only during illness but while making any significant decision. It means a lot – your attitude, and how you focus your mind on different issues since it controls everything including other people’s attitude to you.

The year of treatment

That entire year of treatment was a time of inner peace, fighting and overcoming many obstacles in which the theory of attitude played a prominent role. I’ve undergone 8 courses of chemotherapy. It was emotionally damaging and hard to endure, not to mention physical pain. I’ve been trying to work and spend more time with people while chemotherapy, though.

That was a time in my life you can’t call cheerful, yet it gave me one important thing – significant experience through which I started to better understand the world and listen to myself, and acknowledged the vanity of everyday problems. Most importantly, I’ve learned how to use each minute and moment in my life. Time became more precious to me. I’ve learned that living this way can really improve life quality and make it more balanced in a way, for everyone. It’s true that as various things come before every now and then, you eventually forget more important ones and drown in routine. So, every time I recall those tough times I try to think about first priority which is life itself. After 8 months of chemotherapy, Herceptin regimen and radiotherapy I’ve defeated cancer.

My appearance

Naturally parting from my body part wasn’t that easy. But I never thought of it as a tragedy. I had a much more serious challenge, more serious obstacle to overcome than appearance. It was my family members I was worried about and, in particular, my daughter/son being 3 back then. I kept thinking I mustn’t plunge into despair for I had a child to raise.
During chemotherapy, I didn’t even use to look in the mirror. I knew I didn’t look like before, but I took it as a temporary condition, as a process that was going to end. I knew my hair would grow again and I was going to get back in my usual shape. I just had to survive those days to win.
Though there are many means of breast reconstruction these days, I reject breast implant for I believe I’m still the same girl, same old Gvantsa, and the scar on left side of my body is the part of my life and struggle.

Stigma

Being a cancer patient still carries a stigma in the society. Mostly because of low awareness, many people reckon it an end. For many, cancer is a taboo subject. Doctors often keep the diagnosis in secret from patients and try to conduct treatment without them knowing. I believe that a proper, positive approach makes cancer a conquerable disease. A cancer diagnosis is not an end; it’s a beginning of a new, a bit different and a bit tough life that has nothing to do with an end.

People around me

One of the biggest obstacles was finances. Being listless, I wasn’t capable of finding means to cover treatment costs, so my friends had to do it. Unfortunately, with the state financial assistance program for cancer patients being so undeveloped back then, it was impossible to undergo timely treatment, so together with my friends, we managed to raise funds with the help of one of the private finance service companies.

Many people stood shoulder to shoulder with me to win this fight including complete strangers. So, now, as I consider myself a survivor, I want to help others too by starting a charity that will provide financial support to cancer patients.

I was lucky to have a mother with a very strong personality. She’s an example to me. She never gives up. Amazingly optimistic, she overcame many obstacles approaching all problems rationally. Seeing her stamina encouraged me a lot; her emotion made me stronger and vice versa. We won this fight practically together.

Author: Maiko Chitaia
Photo credit: Nina Baidauri

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Saba was successfully born although I had a risk of having a miscarriage for the whole 9 months. Throughout this period I constantly thought that I was going to have a second child by all means, whom I would adopt…

This decision was related to my past experience.
Several decades ago, as part of the „60 Minutes“ program I made a journalistic investigation about a three-year old boy living in the Kojori orphanage and his brutal treatment there. I remember one shot. A three-year old baby folded his clothes and put them under his pillow together with his shoes before going to sleep to prevent others from taking them away so that he would not stay naked on the following day. I was shocked by the scene. I will never forget it. I thought then for the first time that no matter how many children I had I would adopt one child and give him/her a caring family environment.

I really did that when Saba was one and a half year old and my husband and I were put on the list of families waiting to adopt a child….

Our decision was met by our parents rather aggressively. Even though my mother is a believer, she tried her best to persuade me that I had made a wrong decision. She said that this was a „shame“, that genetics mattered and we did not know what kind of person our adopted child would turn into. I did not listen to anyone.

Perhaps many people do not know that there are two ways of adopting children in Georgia: illegal and legal. Illegal practice entails selecting a pregnant woman who does not want to make abortion or has not been able to make abortion and wants to have a baby to put him/her up for adoption later. This woman is paid money and when the kid is taken out of the maternity home s/he already has the surname of the adoptive family. But this must be done in regional maternity homes, where it is easy to make a deal with doctors too. Some children are sold for USD 2,000, others for USD 5, 000 or USD 10,000.

I opted for a legal adoption. We filed in an official application form. You may indicate the basic requirements your prospective child should meet: for example, a desirable color of skin, hair or eyes, ethnical or religious background, physical features etc. To speed up the process we did not indicate any criteria. We were ready to adopt any type of a child.

In spite of this fact we had to wait in line for 10 years sharply!
Four years after submitting the application I called the agency. I was told that we were 662nd in line, which, based on simple arithmetical calculations meant that I would adopt a child at the age of 70-80! This is because of a legislative flaw. Although there are many children in need of parental care in Georgia they are not on the list of children that can be adopted if they are visited by someone at the orphanage at least once in 6 months. This may be even a distant relative, whom a kid does not know. As a result children may stay in the orphanage until they come of age because they are considered to be kids that may potentially be returned to their families. That is why adopting a child is a lengthy process.

So ten years of waiting was over. It was 28 December 2013. I was preparing for the New Year when they called and told me that there was a child available for adoption and we could see him in Rustavi in the foster family. His name was Nikoloz and he was 9 months old. First I thought that guys from Comedy Show were playing a New Year joke on me. According to my calculations my turn should not have come yet. I learned later that Nikoloz had been “disapproved” by everyone…

I decided to see the child on the following day. Saba was already 11 years old at that time.

I did not sleep at that night. That was the hardest night in my life. Suddenly I got afraid of everything. I was afraid that Saba would have all my attention and Nikoloz would not feel sufficiently favored, I was afraid that I would make a mistake and yield to my relatives’ admonitions. This was a night of struggle, which ended up with Nikoloz’s victory. I made a decision.

Our first meeting in Rustavi assured me that I made a right decision. As soon as I saw a kid wrapped in a blanket I realized that this was my kid I had waited for 10 years.

After our consent we had to implement some rad tape procedures – court, registry, meetings with a social worker. Otherwise we would not have been able to take the kid with us. The process took 2 months.

Throughout this time I have thought about Nikoloz’s biological mother all the time. I felt some kind of solidarity towards this woman. Maybe she was rather badly off, did not have money to buy food to take care of the child and had to give him up?! I decided to find this woman, talk to her like a woman to woman and support her financially on a monthly basis if she wanted her child back. I started looking for this woman, I found the region, village where she lived. But I stopped after I learned during the investigation process that this woman had not fought for her child for a day. She neglected Nika in the maternity home and left secretly…
On 28 February 2014 Nika came to our house and we slept for the first time together hugging each other.

My original fear that I would favor my biological child has proved groundless. There is no difference whether you have a biological child, carry a child in the womb or adopt a child. What matters most is the care and love you bestow upon the child. I do not even remember that Nika is not my kid genetically and for me there is no difference between Nika and Saba.

I think that it is a big mistake when a parent lies to a kid, who is adopted, and hides this fact from him/her. I think parents are driven by selfish reasons. Children should know by all means who their biological parents are. When Nika reaches the age when he is able to understand everything, and should he wish so, I will tell him the name of his mother. Nika is 4 years old now but we have already started preparing him. For example, when he asks sometimes, „Mommy, did you breastfeed me?“ I answer, „No, sonny, when you came to our house, you were already a big boy and ate ordinary food“. If Nika asks further, „Where were I before that time?“ I answer, “You were in one very good family, who took care of you, then we took you away.“

Since Nika came to us we have celebrated his birthday two times a year: on 28 February – the day when we brought him to our home and on 13 March, the day when he was born. I think this will help him take everything smoothly. We will also find it easier to explain to him.

I am rather affected by a stereotype that a child should not know that s/he is adopted because this will be stressful information for him/her. I think the kid will be stressed if I hide the truth and he will learn the story anyway from the so-called “well-wishers”. The kid will probably blame you for lying to him in his case.
I think all the time whether I will be jealous if Nika wishes to see and live with his biological mother when he grows up. But I have the following argument, “We do not have any reason for jealousy as long as we, parents want to have children not because we want to have someone to look after us when we turn old and take care of us like we used to take care of them, but because we want to turn them into individuals with a loving personality.“

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