Mariam Koidze, 23, Batumi

“My childhood was unlike any other. I did not have a caring father, nor have I ever been pampered. On the contrary, my siblings and I always lacked everything, from clothes to school items, family warmth and parental love. I have no idea, what force drove me to this day; probably hope because it never left me even during my worst times. Since childhood, I knew that I would not be an ordinary, plain woman, a woman who doesn’t have her own ideas, a woman who is dictated by the society what she “must” be like, how she “must” live, when she “must” get married…

I had had problems before, but when I decided to live and study independently, my decision was challenged by non other than my father! He did not let me learn. Guess why? According to him, I was a woman so there was no need for me to study, and also, he feared that I would be alone and “go astray”. I lost that battle, but later, I had the same battle with my husband. I remember telling him: “I will never allow anyone to decide for me, and if I have to choose between you and learning, I you force me to make this choice, you better know that I will choose the latter.” I will never forget his shocked face… This time I won.

I already had two children. I lived in the shelter for victims of domestic abuse for eight months together with them. Even though I knew the reaction that all my relatives, friends, parents and the wider public would have, I still took this step and I regret nothing. However, it was very hard for me to realize that I was left alone together with my two angels. I am not ashamed of telling all this, because I am true to myself and it matters to me more than public opinion. My victory cost me dearly. After leaving the shelter, I was forced to leave the children with their father. The only thing that has changed in their lives is that they seldom get to see me. I live in Batumi as a second year student. I work from time to time and do everything I can to have my children by my side and make them proud of me. If you ask me what the worst human feeling is, I think it is regret. Nothing is more sickening than regret, neither emptiness, nor hatred, nor pain caused by the loss of a loved one… Regret is the worst of the worst, knowing that you could have changed something at some point in time and you didn’t do that, you are doomed for eternal suffering.

For my old acquaintances and supporters of my ex-husband, I am a useless and depraved woman who “was not good enough for the family”. Others think I am strong. I personally think that I haven’t done anything special. You should never stay where nobody listens to you, nobody understands you, and where you feel bad. If you cannot change anything, you have to go. Escape is sometimes the only solution. My children may not see my as often as before (I don’t know how I manage to live without them), but I prefer to be remembered happy and with a smile on my face, rather than a miserable woman who had lost her individualism and lived with the life of others, visiting neighbors and, with a coffee cup in her hand, wearing a mask of happiness, and in her old age abandoned by everyone…

I don’t have dreams, only grand plans and goals. I am going to achieve all of them! Despite the fact that people have often hurt me, I still believe that there is a tiny god dozing in each and every one of us. My god was woken up by this pain. Therefore I thank everyone who caused it, including my father and my former husband. If not you, I wouldn’t be what I am now…”